Expectations of a Meditator

Osho on Expectations of a Meditator

Question: After each camp, I am left deeply frustrated and anxious, as if I have been waiting for something to happen that never happens, and I say to myself: Heera, you are back in the same boat again. Please comment. Osho:  Let me first tell you one anecdote. The newly-arrived convict was complaining to the warden, "I don't like the food here, I don't like the quarters, and I don't like your face."
"Well," said the warden, "is there anything else you don't like?"
"That's all for the time being," said the convict. "I don't want you to think that I am unreasonable.". Heera, you are very unreasonable.
First, for hundreds and hundreds of lives you have never meditated. Not to meditate has gone deep into your bones, into your very heart -- it has become a hard pattern. Now, suddenly you meditate and you start expecting too much. It is unreasonable. In fact, all expectations are unreasonable, but when one expects something out of meditation it is Absolutely unreasonable. Because the very base of meditation, the very foundation of meditation is to understand that expectation has to be dropped; otherwise meditation never starts.
It is expectation that keeps your mind continuously spinning thoughts. It is expectation that keeps you tense. It is expectation, when not fulfilled, that makes you feel frustrated, miserable. Drop expectation and meditation will flower, but it can flower only when you are not expecting. You can go on expecting for many lives; you will not allow meditation to flower. That is not the way.
I have heard.... Lanahan's hair kept falling and he complained to his barber. "That stuff you gave me," he cried "is terrible. You said two bottles of it would make me hair grow, but nothing has happened."
"I don't understand," said the barber, "that is the best hair restorer made."
"Well," said Lanahan, "I don't mind drinking another bottle, but it better work!"
Now, with expectation, doing meditation is like drinking a bottle of hair restorer. It is not going to work. It can even be destructive, it can be dangerous.
It is better not to meditate than to meditate with expectation, because at least you will not suffer the frustration. Don't meditate. But if you have decided to meditate, then be clear. Meditation does not guarantee anything to you. Not that nothing happens out of it; it happens, but there is no guarantee. Tremendous possibilities open but you cannot expect them. If you expect, doors remain dosed. It is your expectation that blocks the way.
Two friends met on the street.
"I'm so unhappy I could cry," said the first.
"Why?"
"Two weeks ago, my uncle died and left me one million dollars."
"That's no reason to cry," said the second.
"That would make you happy, that's true," said the first, "but last week another uncle died and left me two million dollars."
"But why are you so unhappy then?"
The man said, "I only had two uncles!"
Expectation is very, very dangerous. With expectation, even if something happens you will not feel fulfilled, because expectation is almost insanity. You go on expecting more and more -- now the man is miserable because he had only two uncles. Whatsoever happens is not going to make you happy if you start with expectations. Drop expectation -- that is not the right thing to bring into meditation -- and immediately things will start happening.
Next camp, or from tomorrow, just meditate.
Enjoy it intrinsically. There is no need to look for any result. Let it happen. Let the future come of its own accord. Don't make a destination out of meditation -- just simple direction will do. Enjoy it. Celebrate it. Be festive about it. The very act of meditation is a great joy. Just to be able to dance, just to be able to sing, just to be able to sit silently and breathe and be, is more than enough. Don't ask for anything else. Because of your asking you are corrupting your being. You have tried that way, now listen to me and try my way. You simply meditate.
"After each camp, I am left deeply frustrated and anxious..."
The problem does not arise after the camp, it arises before the camp. First you sow the seeds of expectation, then who is going to suffer? You will suffer. You will have to reap the crop.
"... as if I have been waiting for something to happen that never happens..."
That is never going to happen. Whatsoever you are waiting for, you are waiting in vain. It is not going to happen, and what is going to happen has nothing to do with your expectations and your desires. You just let it come in; don't block the way. Remove yourself out of your own way. This time, with no expectations, no desires, no hopes, just meditate.
"... and I say to myself: Heera, you are back in the same boat again."
If you listen to me you will never again be in the same boat. It is the boat of expectation. Frustration is a by-product. You want to get rid of the frustration but you don't want to get rid of the expectation. Then it is impossible. Buddha is reported to have said, "If you want to get rid of death, get rid of birth." There is no other way. If you want to get rid of misery, get rid of the lust for happiness. And when there is no misery, there IS happiness. But it is not because you desire it; it is because you don't have any desire. In a deep desireless state, you are full of bliss.
Source: from book “The Beloved” By Osho